Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
