Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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