I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
