the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
