what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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