Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need moral support for this bender
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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