Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
