I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
