I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
