i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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