next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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