My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize