he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
