Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
