Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
