Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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