At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
