i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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