Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
