booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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