It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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