ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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