I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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