Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
