never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
