Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
