God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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