Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
