You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
