She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize