I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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