tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
