I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
