You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize