I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize