yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
