An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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