You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
