dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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