i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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