So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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