I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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