I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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