I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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