party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
