The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
