sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
