Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
