Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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