Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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