Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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