remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
