why didn't you poke me back
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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