ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
