ugly people sure do ruin things
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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