you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
