my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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