every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
