What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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